Nutrition: So I was a tad bit nervous since I only lost 1# last month. I wanted to cut calories and/or increase cardio but I kept having to tell myself that I am fine. Plus, you don’t want to “throw in all your cards” if you don’t have to. I always have to remind clients to be patient and trust the process. So here I am (as I started typing this 2 weeks before posting this blog) trusting the process.

I also remind clients to not obsess over the scale – truth be told – I can “deal” with it; but the scale sometimes plays with my head too, and I have to talk myself down from it. So I haven’t even weighed myself yet – planning on just weighing at the end of the month.

Therefore - my diet still hasn’t. And love that cookie.

Workout: Completed Phase 2 of German volume training. Same workout split. Feeling good – feeling strong. No shoulder pain. Cardio sucks but 30 minutes is totally do-able.

Misc: Posing and stretching are the same. Really trying to make the uncomfortable twists, the chest out/swaying hips, arms this way body that way – look normal. I have a different technique for my posing practice that I am trying this year….I guess I’ll see how it works this summer.

Mindset: not really doing visualization/affirmations as much as I’d like. Why? Busy lol. I think busyness from work keeps stress up and then I feel drained and just want to relax….well plus my husband had shoulder surgery so he can’t help out around the house as much so I have more to do at home.

Goal for May….well it was 4 #s per month but then I was ahead so I laxed….I ended April at 130 – I did enjoy Mother’s Day as a Mother’s day week instead of a day and I let negativity and emotional eating take over a lot this month. I would be happy if I ended April at 129 (I would still feel on track and won’t have to kill myself) (Again I’m writing this 2 weeks from end of month so I’m honestly hoping hard – I probably didn’t lose anything)

So I ended up gaining 2 pounds this month. I didn’t want to take pictures or check in with all of you but this is truth….real life…what happens. Progress isn’t always linear, always good, always what you expect, or what you really want/deserve based on your effort. I did however deserve this check in. I wasn’t 100% on track with my dieting. I had my reasons….but they are not excuses. Most of it was because I knew I was “ahead” So now I am approaching my 12 weeks out (normally a start of a prep)…

Hurt feelings/drama/ungrateful people – I believe I’m healed now and over it…..It’s a bit sad because I’ve noticed that I’ve changed because of all of this. I stop myself often when I’m about to do something out of my way, or buy something, or give something to anyone. I don’t want to feel taken advantage of again. I don’t expect materialistic things back, or favors – just that I’m appreciated and not just taken advantage or for granted. I can’t change people only myself - so I feel this is protecting yours truly. Do you know of an easier way??? Let me know; honestly. Moving forward I don’t want to let these emotions stress me out and affect my prep so I’ll have to shut myself off.

Ordered my suit – it should be here this week…..exciting!!! I hope it fits perfectly….I take that back. It will fit perfectly and I will look great. (Positive affirmation – there you go.)

Next up….register for the show…..it’s $100 for local shows – nationals cost $250/division. I’m entering two – 35 and older and 40 and older categories. In my last show the 40 year olds were way more defined than the 35 year old class….and the winner of the 35 year old class was soft yet the winner of the 40 year old class was hard AF!...So because it’s hard to tell what exactly they are looking for (sometimes in the same show) and who’s showing up; I’m trying to increase my chances.. Yes, a lot of money….. This is a difficult sport, as it is subjective. As much as I enjoy it, who doesn’t want to win? The time, discipline, heart, mental challenges, and finance needed to participate in this sport is high. Not saying this is my last time as you never know…and don’t want to think negatively or jinx myself….so I’ll talk about after show plans…after the show.

I noticed that I’ve strayed from my expected outcomes so I need to remind myself…. I’ve been in my head a lot – sort of playing victim mentality with all that is going on. I’ve been focused on the win again, I’ve been depending on other people to do what they say, and I’ve been focusing on what others are doing. So I’m reeling it back in…..what I initially set out to achieve… #1 Step on stage with a better physique. #2 enjoy my journey and stay positive. #3 Work on posing so I feel confident/comfortable on stage w/all the walking, twisting, and turning. #4 have a better post season. ……Stay tuned for Part 6

My Journey to the Stage...Part 5